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Certain Roots from the KarmaBody

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Oct. 13th, 2007 | 10:18 pm

glitter across time's floor

The for me my own personal female zone
When no one’s looking I feel my bosom
To assure myself that they are there and
Are real they are and I am here as this her
Now growing and feeling more and more
Myself, my Being, my Body as becoming
Again this woman some kind of part woman
Maybe, outside movement, maybe inside
So I admit it makes me happy and feel good
Not having a penis, and having my own how
Ever small titties and having long hair and
Pierced ears, a more feminine featured face
Hardly any body hair, small feet and small
Hands, of course I love dressing as a woman
Because it re affirms a closeness to this
All over Becoming this Changing Sexx I love
Sensing the World from a more Feminine
Openness in a Way its Miraculous me as
Becoming this much much more female

Passing the Night

Again I am filled with a kind of femaleness
Uncertain in which direction I am going now
An unknown fullness is exiting my Body from
Somewhere coming in me an Ocean on Earth
My capacity is changing I can dance in a
Porous gauze of Arche-dreams and Image un-
Caught unEarthing the Luminous and all the
Shadows riverstruck where the NightBirds fly

So what is true will only be found in the light of the Sun
At least half more or less will be, the rest will reside and
Work in darkness but here is so much reversal the light fills
Every thing any way leaving so many sub-tiny particles in
The backward mirrors of time, a ricochet will likely occur
Where we are at anyone time in that way we might have
Something, a memory-an experience-a lightning flash


so it comes to this again where somehow I become
this woman kind of being more so now then before
over all I sense this changing it feels good it feels
better somehow more right at least in a private way
even if my journeys out sometimes seem fraught
and yet tonight I sat on the tiny deck and open my
soft pink robe and the moon’s light all over my now
deeply female body I tried to draw the moon in me
to somehow become more and more a female desire
expressed again in the moon a personal dream or
a path of a real 2Spirit right from the beginning I
identified as female/feminine as in the Princess or
a Beautiful Country Girl at the Same Time I created
a kinda visionary cowboy/Indian/American dark hero
Persona yet the real me is here now and She wants
to say that after all its too bad in so many ways yet
something is salvaged a few moments admitting my
commitment as a spiritmother, a spirit bride for fun,
my body telling me what women like or want an ache
and then giving birth in secret, hidden, places to such
wonderful and strange children, and who is He really
how did he come on the scene up in the sweat lodge
overnight when the spirit(s) made love to when I gave
birth to twins 14yrs ago? and 3 or 4 yrs ago when that
spirits made love to me in the sweatlodge I must have
gotten pregnant and out of touch totally until I started
taking hormones and realized kinda thru dreams that
I was a female in the spirit world and dreams told me
more of what this unbelievable story is about say the
arrival of all kinds of information of another kind of
motherhood? for me what a surprise, yet even though
I have experienced the evidence that it is so it is so
hard to believe that it could be yet sometime I let go
and open myself to the truth of my pregnancy and what
that says about me now as a woman and why its so
necessary to help my body appear a bit more like a
“ I’ve enjoyed so much this slow stripping of my faux
male identity, to reveal underneath a woman identified person.
that’s it, that’s all its ever been.”
and now the truth as above so below
where the male becomes female in
space or in time or both why? It’s a
great mystery so close herself to that
same deep invisible power, energy
that is changing her, that needs her real
womanliness, because she really likes
making love as a woman, it took her a
long long time to come to this truth

Basically unattended by me mostly

O9/26/2oo7 Full moon I was outside in white gown brushing
My hair and allowing the moon to enter me and
To change me finally more deeply in the female
Wanting her to make my breasts fuller my thighs
And skin softer opening my self to a different
Sense of me as only really now female

But always this direct action on my/against my going down
The path I seem to be going this intentional how be it Un-
Conscious changing of my sexx to some degree to be more in
Accord with my identity as who I am as a sexual woman that’s
One aspect and then me in the world as a woman in the real world
As this once man now with hormones even is becoming more a
Woman, the Why? Is washed away and what is left is a fact beyond
Comprehension that I was always a girl/woman sexually and always
Wanted to be and didn’t know the truth and now in a crazy last ditch
effort I am giving in because I want to experience these few small
signs my body becoming female , it turns out that I have needed this
for a very long time me becoming more female in my being and my
body a conscious woman because I want it so and can live no other way

10/09/07 Mon. a peek inside a moment of the contemporary world

celebration of the beginning of the genocidal holocaust of the Real
Original Inhabitants of All of North America, Mexico, Central America, and
of course South America at one time full of life and mystery slowly, and quickly
less technologically advanced societies were enslaved by our more advanced war
Technology, our murderous dominating greedy intent, and in this process we have
become enslaved to technology it is a 2 way penetrating spear and chain of logos.

And in this intense intent we lost our ability to see deeper, to feel deeper, planning
An encased future of controlled survival, we decided to die young so that our bodies
will survive and talk to each other in parrot language refusing meaning to the very End

look how quick you had to become a woman and now
like a worshiper of Dionysius the men who must be
come women, it is an ecstasy to become a woman to
live as a woman, accepted as a woman in public, then
perceived as a woman in public, to live her life as real

the ritual castration ok it happens to me all the time both
symbolically and realistically I am a living example of a
man who never was able to be a man and even really wanted
to be a man but alas he didn’t have a penis and the more he
became a woman first in dress and appearance then in body
which was an expression of some mysterious identification
with me being female, I do not have a substantial penis, what
is there is very, very feminine I tried to overcome it but it was
like hopping over my own ever getting softer knees I prefer
my hair being long, and soft, my bosoms to still grow, with
some encouragement and massage with luxurious very, very
feminine oils and creams and I like the way they feel at times
they feel full and heavier like now and I find my self up late
just to come to terms with this me being becoming this woman
on a deeper and deeper level every moment so tonite and the
above stated fact that I am unable to manufacture a real man’s
penis erectus I must become in keeping with my long term
planning to accept the fact that I am femina passiva and that’s
what I’ve always been I always hated to admit to my girlfriends
that I was a crossdresser/transvestitie/transgender/ I was ashamed
to show them that not only did I not have a penis but for us to
have sex I would have to be a woman in dress and in sexual
feminine receptivity there is absolutely no other way I can have
sex I have a vagina and a clitoris and I have always wanted
to be real and now I am becoming more real to myself as
these realizations sink in deeper and deeper the truth of sorts
and its me that this is being done too I am doing this I am
encouraging with my behavior the slow realized changing of
my sexx from male to female in some more feminine form
and expression living as being as a woman in more ways than
one being there more and in truth not in fear and repression
so here I am again as a woman with nice soft bosoms that I
really love and wish they would get bigger and here I am with
only fragmented conexxions to the real world of women and
yet here I am as more woman than I’ve ever been I cannot put
into words how wonderful it feels to me to be feminine, female,
a woman creature being even too twin spirit woman I am her in
the spirit world and she needs to manifest in this world and I want
her to show up, to be here, as me, show me, as her. The way we
were shown the twin boys are animuses for our female twin being
in that Indian trailer dream and so much more was shown in that
dream from the reservation the pool/hole of lightslashed on the floor

I am the twin of my spirit sister she and are one and two after finding
That truth she was able to show me what she had been up to in the spirit
World and she was able to show me what it feels like to get fucked in my
Vagina, I mean our Vagina! By who knows, that 50 yr old Indian
Spirit Man probably since he was in that dream, first thing I thought
When I woke up in the dream in this world very vivid and clear in
Meaning and intent, Its so strange yet I plunge ahead into the unknown
(as usual) Yet I need to get here to be more this being female
Becoming woman
The next night more of the same thing except more vulnerable
Readiness and acceptance of my body as only female only a
Female now only soft and a kind of seductive feminine opened
Up and more out and more transformative as if she’s been there
All along, her face divided into two worlds, and now she’s coming
Together in the face of some kind of very strange spiritual truth
i feel it, i know it, this becoming woman is both real and Arche-
-typal there is no doubt in my mind that this has been happening
To me since before eleven yrs old it makes me happier to admit
This and be this and be more open to more real me, I can’t get over
How comfortable I feel as more of a woman and how I perceive
Women now as people of my own gender identification of course
i know the difference yet in spite of my early fears i am happy as I am


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