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more poems from a disgruntled girl

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Dec. 12th, 2009 | 11:02 pm


that hyper mystical world of the changing from male into
a female, the unrelenting pressure to become an honest
and realized woman being, female and feminine, and it
has happened it is happening yes it is and although some
what strange still very ordinary just the same the thunder
bolt realizations they will not change they are part of more
learning where the door way was the clothes soon the body
yearned to meet those ideals in the real world and gradually
did and I embraced the truth of finally becoming a woman
and now in the new writing there will be a porosity of a more
sensitive skin in a need to explore and open the imagined to be
more true so I am a certain kind of woman but that’s ok for me
I am glad I have come this far into the truth about who I am

It can be concluded that these men, who were excluded except as clown-like figures from their village communities, had found an alternative grouping with others like themselves. Within the bounds of this grouping, stigma could be kept at bay, and outside it could also be transformed by means of their acting skills into the basis for a kind of success.

For the males, the queen's undergarments are threatening due to their (destructive) power. By wearing such powerfully charged articles of clothing, her kathoey mediums - who are still biologically male - risk being negatively affected by the clothing's power
and have come to look upon myself as a woman: moreover, all our neighbors accept me as such. I am very happy now that I have become a woman. I do useful work and everybody is very kind to me. Moreover, I have much more liberty than is enjoyed by real girls whose parents are always fussing about them if they go out alone. You see, I am a woman with all the freedom of a man."

so in the here and the now I have taken hormones
to change my body and they have and I like the changes
and of course I would like more but I backed off after
an intense pursuit of hormonal speed change they were
quite radical in their method and result, better than nothing
and now that my body is changed and I am a woman for
real I still yearn for a little estrogen boost my nipples
love what is done how they become desirous there is more
of course unreachable what remains is my relation to others
as a woman and my world in this way and I really mean it
this time, my relationships my burgeoning bosoms my own
form of world discovery could that really be me all those truths
strung together showing a very different me yet somehow the
same and me now like a hot young filly all femmed out and
finally real and ready and completely accepting of my now
more womanly body and those needs translated into reality
me a woman now with healing small mama bosoms my own
sweet tender surge of a nipple mine in your mouth and your
fingers softly loving my clitoris and fingers in my pussy, o my
god I cannot believe I am the total woman here I love it so
much this feels more like me anyway I love being a woman
the whole deal down to the core realized expressed as me more
happy as a woman
this play, this dream
I cannot escape
obsessed with this
all my life into
this becoming this
Change of being
nature and am still
in the process the
exploration of image
that penetrates to
the mystic root of
my this thing I am
I am left on the
beach of time as
this woman clown

so sorrow flashes
across our lips
as we sigh at the
sight of ourselves

pressing our needs
into the lived wax
days and nights

chocolates wrapped
in cheap gold foil
cookies from Stop
and Shop

a woman being
sits in front of
a computer
screen typing
her poems

another night I hurried into
my ceremonial gear, signs
and symbols to touch that
part in me that is Wakan
a fire burns fed by that
immense strangeness of
me becoming a woman
and I honor that wish by
doing just that being now
a full bodied and full blown
female being with all bridges
back to being a male almost
all gone I am more permanently
woman being now in my own
way the truth is deeper and has
shown me certain things about
me becoming a woman and partly
why and so what it changes nothing
I feel better as a woman would rather
have gone deeper in acceptance earlier
so much has been shown to me about
what this means its just ending up
that I am to become a woman whether
I want to or not and so it seems and so
I have become quite clearly a woman
in my intent and my own labyrinthal
way fear and wandering in various
disguises some getting closer to truth
and now here I am all deeply female
tonight completely so and as the night
progressed she was taken in her fancy to
a land of truth o it was wonderful and so hard to
believe so hard to understand but totally true
and it was me as I could only be a soft naked
woman on my back legs spread getting that shiva
red thing so deep in me I wanted to cry out and hold on
to those absolutely honest moments of me as totally
receptive and female in response and desire amazng

deirdre/keyacikala redbuffalowoman

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