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What Course the River Now!!! 5/20/07 8:06 PM

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Jul. 21st, 2007 | 11:34 pm

These things are being made known these things
In me changing me a long long time so so slow and
ChangingWoman I am become, how? On the inside
I dreamed of this all the time it was me in chains in
A terrible dark prison being let out so rarely am so late
In this aspect yet no matter there’s no turning back
An unreasonable acceleration as coming to be this
Lo and behold it has come to this really the desire in
Me to be a woman is being made manifest as if there
is no time and here I am now beginning to burgeon out
and this now being more woman I am sensing my self
more as a woman all those things I did from the very
beginning has always been to become a woman although
I dug in my heels and tried to stop/slowdown, deny, hide.
But slowly but surely I was getting use to the idea of
Becoming feminine and female already now there is none
absolutely no male sexual identity I accept it totally now
this what I am and always have been thank you
grandmother earth and moon and all between

5/24/07 11:48 PM

transgender, transgendered and more reading of
course not walking in spirit 2 spirit feathered light
poemos inside and outside form shifting dancing
singing thing making old things getting older turning
corners into other worlds how do I know because
I am a man becoming woman this seems so self
Evident now in spite of all reason something in me
Has needed this truth, to live this truth is to live it
through my body, the body, so here I am doing just
that matching my need and desire to live as a woman
with a more feminine body which of course mine always
tended as soon as I knew my deepest wish that I wanted
always wanted to be the girl, the female, the feminine,
the woman being, supple, soft,

Living as a woman is only possible part time lately many people coming and going.
the path of deep discovery continues and has led to hormones which are seemingly
in small subtle ways changing me and I welcome the changes and propose a forum to
discuss becoming woman/being woman from the perspective of men who are compelled
to become women young men who have no choice but to become some kind of older girl.
A place for transgendered poetry and prose experiences dreams wishes problems truth
magic and the mythos. so what part of me becomes a woman just the outer, how far in,
a 3d sex. i have become the other. All the complex interpretations and imaginary
ideas are dispersed in the becoming woman daily really going out.
keyacikala (littleturtle)

o5/28/07 Sunday night memorial day week end

for some reason tonight my bosoms felt alive
and wanting to grow and they did a little but in
my mind they brought me closer to realizing what
I am what is really happening does why matter and
there I was feeling all busty and full and womanly
and in wanting what a woman wants not all women
just me as I am becoming this woman not only my
bosom but more all over all softer roundness this
more femaleness in me is the bringing out all through
me myself now as a woman and I can sense as I get
softer and softer as I have learned to give up all false-
-ness of bad conscious mindbits and become what I am
really am and discovering what it means to really be
myself and just look at me I want to be a woman and
honest in who and what I am as me a being as a woman
I learned that softer woman creatures can desire some
Masculine hardness taking serious pleasure in me as
Female as soft being woman now feminine in the once
Kind of male presence mine all gone I am melting I am
As water now earth deep thighs and breasts turned upward
Of course not yet part of me is wild spiritwoman where I used
To be bad little sissy girl now my body admits many truths

it is so hard to say l love my titties
yes I do they really express how I feel
they make me feel so great they confirm
my femaleness they are so perfect I
will dance tonight naked my breasts
turned up nipples hard to the cup of
the black starred sky wild she moon

O5/28/07 Monday (night memorial day)

certainly its over the top for you my dear, my dearest
soon to be more woman more self as woman in her own
particular beingexpression and beingliving in a sense a
very real sense seeing the world differently sensing my
body in a much more womanly way at times I am no
longer afraid this is who I am and will be for a long time.

This was always the problem when I tried to make love
To a woman in fact I was a woman trying to make love
As a man and failed miserably hoping if they made love
To me when I was dressed as a woman going out as a
Woman with them shopping for me needing outside
Recognition for my femininity from them as women
So it was doomed to failure when my wild boy mask
Failed to transform me from female to male didn’t work
It was fun, it was necessary I would rather not have to
Have had to give up my mostly it seems now not there
Sense of boyness new coming maleness for this not so
Bad and equally fun really becoming woman full blown!


how do I feel now a woman yearning really needing
sex my breasts are crying out to be held nuzzled
nipples on fire to be sucked my cunt is so hot and
alive and wants you in me I am your girl doggie
then you push me down flat on my stomach legs
spread your hand holding my right breast pushing
hard in me again and again until you are all in me
and over me and me all the way there I come loving
you in me and you just loving having me like that!

o6/o9/o7 fri nite real warm long hot simmering day
too hot, too soon

The Mechanics of a Man Becoming a Woman, and
The Final outcome where I am experiencing more
Some fullness in my female being, some woman
-liness in my real Being for instance its 11:o1 pm
I have 2 estrofems 2mg each under my tongue, I
Am wearing my dearest, prettiest, nightie, with one
Of my sexiest bras on, my titties are so full and tender,
my hair is long, well brushed, reddish, blonde hair
turning I am enjoying my chance to finally become
a woman o yeah how I started out the mechanics
I used to slowly turn a somewhat reluctant initiatress
Who buried his original wish to be a girl, totally, that
Shocked him to the core of his being so I had to work
Slowly getting him to go a little farther pierced ears,
waxed legs, titties, belly, long hair, I had always originally
wanted long hair, I am now getting a more feminine body
you know why, hormones, that’s a hell of a long way from
being forced to become a a girl, a girl sissybaby, shame
pulling on panties, over my slender young hairless, legs
smooth shaved all over wearing all kinds of male to female
transitions learning to fasten a bra behind my back,
wearing pretty good soft realistic gel bosoms until I was
convinced to let my hair grow long to celebrate my fem-
inine identity, getting my ears pierced, learning to give up
any hope of having a real penis anymore she is tucked a
way just a tiny tip left that’s all, learn that I have a pussy
and I like to use it, and I like it when somebody else uses
me for woman to woman sex or some one could be the man
and it can never be me. So there you have it I am now
no more faux reluctant just becoming more and more female
and the thing is I’ve always been this way and couldn’t say
that I am a transgendered, transsexual, border crossing 2 spirit
being mostly woman, without a doubt, so many aspects and
changes and I need to be her in broad daylight she needs to be,

o6’11’07 monday night 10:10 pm

This discovery process has been painful
And still is, isn’t easy to admit how much
I identify with being/becoming female, a
woman now of sorts of parts of me all
becoming this kinda late term sexy girl

o6/16/o7 fri nite late almost 11pm

and here I am all womanized up and all
the way thru deep inside I am finally
coming into the world as a more or less
relaxed female being, talking finding an
acceptable, real female-me-being voice
and tonight I am all this and more it is
so beyond belief for me to be doing this
and needing to do this and it feels so
perfect the fact that my breasts are also
swelling and growing and beginning to
almost fill a nearly B cup bra I love that
fact I feel the horizon of the feminine
calling and immersing baptized in the
waters of isis I am growing softer and
weaker my bottom is getting bigger and
and also softer my titties are so tender
and babypowder soft my body is beginning
to reflect my early identified woman’s
sexual and gender identity that I tried to
deny and repress and make less scary
now that I have gone this far I am happy
about this developing condition You

know that I enjoy the feeling of not one iota
of maleness was left in me I deeply enjoyed
being all so feminine and female and still do
for that manner I am still nothing but all so
much more and now all or nothing I am
changing shape into me as a woman in as
many ways as possible and in the best ways
as knowledge and imagination become realized
later than sooner but now here changing woman
and I feel so much better as a woman at least

at least here we are here we go this border
crossing gender and me all female sexual
thru and thru from top to bottom from front
to back I have become as I am and I prefer
it if it were possible it is becoming so ur-real
I guess you might say without a doubt I am
ruled by the lunar goddess and have become
her handmaiden and serve her as a supplicant
in exchange for more womanhood I am to be
the female temple slave for mostly women but
gradually these women had helped me realize
as a woman I was expected to allow hard men
to adore and ravish my now all female body the
strange body of a man becoming a woman
without much choice I was in fact more or less
forced against my will to finally yield and accept
my strange and peculiar fate to live in the world
as a woman and as I got closer and closer to the
realization of that goal the more I felt remorse for
the loss of my potential manhood a loss that was
so deep that it was primordial and the tragedy of
me fighting against a spiritual destiny slowly letting
go and just really doing what has to be done

the thing is that its not just becoming a woman that
is important it is being a woman in life as lived and
it would only be me doing this my body becoming more
and more female and me in the world as a woman as
me now but under the light of realization that I always
was to be a woman even if I didn’t want to I would
want to transition a shape changer and being made
some kind of woman being as I am right now without
any doubt anymore here I am feminine female woman

can I explain what it means to me to have growing bosoms
how they affirm my changing to female being how other
changes also reflect and openly change me thus into that
lunar river and yes its me that is in that particular river
(that river dreamed on the pine ridge indian reservation,
that river of light and darkness you cannot know light
without darkness but the crossgendered live there


something in me is finally insisting for Her fair share of
Time left and Time lived living under a false tyranny in
Which My more superficial ideas of what it meant to me
To try to hold onto my masculinity (imagined) which by
The way the truth is I never ever had a chance of being
A man if I had faced the truth right from the beginning
Instead of self pitying and afraid of what it meant to be
A woman finally was that I was to be a submissive femme
masochistic lesbian deep deep at first with everything
She liberated me taught me what it was for me to be a
Very submissive feminine female I loved it! She loved it!
I was able to have sex as a femme bottom woman only.
We still make love but not often like we used to now I am
Woman an only woman in her arms as she plays with my
Titties and sucks my nipples she pulls my panties down
And plays with my bottom and my clitoris she pulls me
On top and with my clitoris tucked between her fingers
And lips together I am astride her she is in me my hair
Falls over one side, my titties hang down like tender &
New fruit sometimes she holds them while pushing in me
deeper and deeper until she makes me shiver in delight

o5/18/o7 tonight was different

I wasn’t supposed to be here I couldn’t stop
the stampede within myself towards again
becoming a woman it is more than I can bear
on both sides of the coin it is undeniable that
I am inclined to change my sex and gender to
woman-being all the way all the time in most
every way thus I become as a woman and in
a woman seeing me such as I am in this big
becoming other in this way more moon girl


after thunderstorm wet calm night
those smells!

This unbelievable truth something is happening
And I can’t stop it I am of course referring to my
Deep changing being changing woman this is me
Now really with embarrassingly real titties my own
And I love that fact and I love the fact of my body
looking less like a man’s and more like a woman’s
I like that a lot I really need this and want more
Feminization of my body being into a true a real
Expression of who I might be on one level of life
In me my world as BecomingWoman the very truth
Of the matter and can do nothing about how much
I want this to represent me as a woman in the World
All this that I have done and still doing to grant me my
Wish of living in the World as I am becoming all the facts
Point in a certain direction this shaping form of me into
Woman from the rough nervous matter of a young preteen
Boy who discovers that he wants to be girl and the process
started then outwardly the Dance where slowly I learned
all there was to know about the transgender world from
repressed crosssdresser to part time/full time transgender
to deeper almost transsexual level even one time Yes! all
the Way! So for me its been slow getting here and now as
I am realizing this body outward as more female and I am
Becoming in some mysterious ways more and more female

Mirella's Story

for men writing me for love.. How can I say to you that "I AM LESBIAN, LESBIAN, LESBIAN, LESBIAN????"

My name is Mirella Izzo, honorary president of Crisalide Azionetrans onlus, living in Genoa, Italy.
... That is something about the "what I am"... But WHO am I?

It' so simple: born as a male I transitioned to woman. So I'm a Transgendered.

I've always loved femininity... Not the conventional one, not the stereotypical one.
Femininity is not a definition to me. It's something I can smell, hear, touch, feel.

So.. it's so simple: I am transgendered and lesbian. Better: Translesbian
Then I've lived a part of my life like a "spy agent" as a man among men. So I've known very well what maschilism is since my first days of life.
I've been educated as a boy and I grew as a man.
My skin has been literaly penetrated by forcing to be masculine, aggressive, dominating.
Disgusting poison flowed in my veins: a poison named testosteron.
A poison capable to fight hardly against my spirit, forcing me to ejaculate, to be submitted to my "dick". How me and my feminine brain could survive for years under testosteron influence? Yeah, I could. I did it like a tiger without teeths, like a flower in a desert, like Twin Towers with two airplanes in their womb, like a woman with a beard.
But I know very well what men are when they are in a masculine community. I breathed maschilism in any kind of form. A toxic breathe.

So... it's so simple: I am transgendered, lesbian and feminist. Better: Translesbian & Transfeminist.
Better again: Translesbianfeminist

Why translesbian and transfeminist and not a simply lesbian and feminist?
Becouse there is a specificity in being a transgendered woman: we are women with the memory of a "past life" of man. I cannot delete it, I don't want to delete this memory.
It is my strenght, my specificity to donate to the world.
It is my key to help genetic women to understand their original gender when is polluted by a maschilist society that force any woman to be competitive in a maschilist culture.
My key to help genetic lesbian to understand that the answer to the the men's feminine model it is not imitating men in habits and dresses. And that any woman can be lesbian or/and feminist in any kind of dress.. even in a high heels.
Becouse to me a woman is something you can only breath, not understand. And to be lesbian is a doubled breath... not a life in apnea.
So friends, I am Mirella Izzo, transgender, translesbian, transfeminist. In two words: I am a "Transgender Warrior"

My homepage (in italian language only) is http://www.mirellaizzo.it

Who I'd like to meet:

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It is not a question of meeting to me.
I'd like to perceive, a woman soul (and body, we are bodysouled) to share everything is possible.
Two men know very well each other needs.
two women will never end to discover the infinite angles and spaces of each other soul.
Men need to eat, to fuck, to watch or do sports and to be free to think at the universe outside them, generally.
Women need to take care and being cared, to touch and be touched in a in-extinguished desire and pleasure, to provocate a smile and free to feel the universe inside them, generally.
And even if I'm fascinated from stars and the outside universe, I cannot avoid to count how much the outside universe is so little in front of a woman soul

Mirella's Interests
General how can I define my interests for ever and ever... I am interested in the course of life, perceiving an feeling the flowers, the dangers in the way... My interest is to live in awarness with the counsciosness that in the moment we begin to live, we also begin to die. Is it so strange if I love to write poems too? Specifying, I like: lesbian issues, transgender issues, progressive rock music, lesbian movies, transgender movies, sf movies, transgender history, transgender anthropology, poems writing and reading, Osho. Something else I will add in the future
Music Peter Hammill, Vand Der Graaf, Antony and the Johnsons, Peter Gabriel, Ivano Fossati, Giuni Russo, Daevid Allen, Gong, King Crimson, Enigma, Delerium, Deep Forest, electronic music, some of house music,
Movies The Crying Game, Blade Runner, Beautiful Boxer, Gia,Boys Don't Cry, If These Walls Could Talk 2 (Women), Heads in the Clouds, Fucking Amal, Ma Vie en Rose, When Night is Falling, Aimée and Jaguar, Mery per sempre, Ragazzi Fuori, HIgh Art
Television The L. Word, Transgeneration, Lost, Alias, Grey's Anatomy, Nip/Tuck, Felicity, Ally Mc Beal, 4400, Battlestar Galactica
Books everything about Philip Dick and many others... (coming soon)
Heroes Sylvia Rivera, Leslie Feinberg, Valerie Solanas, Helena Velena, Davide Tolu, Matteo Manetti, Vladimir Luxuria, Luca Coscioni

Mirella's Details
Status: Single
Here for: Networking, Serious Relationships, Friends
Orientation: Lesbian
Hometown: Genoa
Body type: 5' 8" / Average
Ethnicity: White / Caucasian
Religion: Agnostic
Zodiac Sign: Taurus
Smoke / Drink: Yes / No
Income: Less than $30,000

Mirella's Networking
Publishing - Writer - Non-fiction
I write on gender, transgendered, lesbian and feminist themes on the web

Mirella's Companies
Crisalide AzioneTrans onlus
Genoa, Milan, etc., IT

No profit organization


these are the nature of it in some way

Like Joseph, James doesn't say that he hates his body or that he wishes he had a vagina instead of a penis—the kind of things that transgender kids say over and over again. He'll agree with his mother that he's "really" a boy, but he loves dolls, wearing dresses, and telling his friends that he's a girl. Maybe James and Joseph are gay, even though their parents don't think so. James could be telling his boy friends that he's a girl because he wants to interact with them the way girls interact with boys. Joseph might have a "deep appreciation of feminine beauty," as his preschool teacher describes him, because he's got a lovely queer future in fashion design

"I think the general narrative of lots of the Oz books I read as a child . . . helped me find comfort from the more problematic narratives of my day-to-day real life," he wrote. "In a nutshell, these books told the story of a small group of misfits, who claimed and enjoyed identities that seemed at odds with the staid and regimented identities of 'normal' folks, who were pursued and persecuted. They found creative and daring ways to escape this persecution and, at the end, often ascended to positions of glory and respect in their culture. As a child who was bullied for being gender-nonconforming (girlish, nonathletic, studious, emotional) and who often felt trapped and without recourse, these stories offered me a happier ending to my own story


all of a sudden here I am again
this real woman self as lived
like this totally and its me as
more female inside and out
so why not it just is this way
a hidden way some men are
chosen by the goddess to be
come women of her temple
Isis, Kybele, Demeter,in the
service of the goddess as a
Whore and a Priestess, a
Huntress and a Dancer,
a mad moon woman being
in ecstatic dance in the
whirling winds


tonight my body recognized its changing
into a more female body sense rounder
softer no noticeable penis the Big Why
haunts further and further away I am just
this nothing more and so I am become this
woman being of sorts around the house and
outside very rarely I absolutely love having
a vagina, and a very active, adoring clitoris
my bosoms tell me how much of a woman
I am o god I love it when she plays with them
and sucks my nipples and all that other wonder
full stuff we used to do and in all cases I was
unequivocally the woman female feminine
bottom with partially acted out masochistic
wishes and desires, which it seemed we had
fun, I learned a lot about my female desires

now is
a lot of
time to
a body
from the
first one
a body
in the
from the
as now
out in
the real
as more
and more


fullmoon everywhere and here I am again
up to my neck in the fiercely feminine it is
mostly unbearable in every way possible
that reality of no penis and soft panties


living as me becoming woman it has been
ordained at PineRidge spirit world I am
SpiritWoman who has given birth to one
Who is ageless but appears 5yrs old and
Possibly now 2 14 yr old twin boys all of
Them Indian darker and mysterious and I
Was their mother their father was someone
I saw for the first time in this dream where
I discovered that they were waiting for me
Looking at me hokcila the twins and the father
An Indian lighter skin close crop grey hair
All looking at me asking where have I been
And why hadn’t I been feeding them as I was
His wife and their purported mother and yet
later in the Black hills deadwood cabin it seems
I am pregnant again by my unknown Indian
husband and SpiritMate and it is my knowing
that the more a woman I become in this world
the freer my SpiritWoman Being is to grow and
pursue what she is able to do in this world and
other worlds around her and it is becoming this
way for me as I begin to identify with women
in ordinary life and see life at times through
those more female more feminine eyes and why
is never able to be touched and I am pushing
so so hard to feminize my body to appear as a
deep part of my nature would be felt and seen
growing deeper this becoming woman thing
a comfort station the 4 SpiritWinds danced in
life around the Tree of Being and Life and between
Sacred Grandmother as deep forever Blue Lake
And Blue Earth, GrandFather pile of Blue glowing
Stones 16+12+8+1 A River flowed of Light and
Darkness and showed me that I could channel
In a balanced way some power for healing and
Helping others thru me as a woman and that I
am to allow myself this change and practice living
in this way as a woman only expressing this now
pregnant SpiritWoman hoping to understand her
Indian Spirit Children forgetting again to feed them
Self indulging my sexual desires in which I am always
the female needing to be made love to by some more
tomboy butch boy woman kinda much more man than
I will ever be I really couldn’t be anything but totally
Femme “although I tried lord I tried to change nature
From top down (who appointed those guys) it only made
Things worse what a waste a prevarication

Anpetu Waste

Who I'd like to meet:
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