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poems of/from a disgruntled girl

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Dec. 12th, 2009 | 10:57 pm

I am wearing a really nice antique pink very feminine kinda
long sleeve t shirt to the wrist and for me it felt so wonderful
to be fullbosomed under this warm thick cotton and soft o my
god I was so soft and fullbosomed so really much more acceptance
of me as a woman completely without reservations I love this old style
british india country full skirt ankle length and also so very feminine
and a pleasure to wear in its affirmation of my feminine nature, my
nature as a woman is found in the mystery of these skirts o its too
much to bear to see my femininity my very real womanhood grounded
so deeply in the fertile soil of a young southern boy losing his penis some
how a mother maybe implicated in this a deep karmic soil of male and
female violence in him now finally her to solve that conundrum he finds
out that his destiny was to become a woman and all that meant he was
not ready and he fought for a long time but truth finally dawned and now
after everything I am close to permanent damage to my now strange
erected penis poor thing and me with a vey needy pussy and highly
sensitive titties o when trish affirms my soft feminine female body
when we make love my full breasts hang over her I rub my little
clitoris all over her sweet so real pussy she loves me as her woman
I completely submit to her she uses my clitoris to enter me to further
my submission my knowledge of who I really am and she was the one
who taught me to submit so she could teach me how to let her screw
me in my newly discovered very open and ready pussy
brought to life and never ever forgotten since then all
ways ready always real deep and sweet that’s when I
knew for sure that I never had a penis I was already a
woman unrealized repressed and hidden under bales of
false hopes and feints trying to escape a fate worse than
death almost becoming a woman my god and now how
things have changed all I want is to live as a woman and
expressing my true very feminine sexual nature and tonight
she was ready and she was hot and happy he had showed
up all hard and ready and he showed me my true female
nature I just have to admit I loved that hard red cock of his
all over the place in me o he loved being there and I just about
died in spasms and giant waves of pleasure as his hard male
desire freed me from my shackles and I was all woman then

imaginary conversation
well you know I thought since I was born a man I should be one and I tried yet
my true sexuality all along was feminine and all that means and how it played
itself out on my body and being mind and little heart and also in my relations with
you and other women I was a woman all along even though I hoped something in
me would change it never did I became more and more female more and more
aligned with my inner sense this crossing between the symbolic and the Real
even the everyday world I am able to enter now as a woman even when I am
out in normal world I am often mistaken for a woman believe me I know it
would have been a lot better for me if I was an ordinary guy all this craziness
seems too much but unavoidable I have no choice but to be an actress in this
world of mine

I can’t believe all this that is being shown to me
as I come to rest in this having become a woman
thing and apparently I have finally become only
a woman and now as a refuge washed up on
another shore and now must learn to sense and
feel the world around me as a woman a deep
receptivity of my new woman’s body and sense
the pleasure of accepting myself now as that
woman being coming into world staying there
and now seeing what I want as a woman, what
I like, what I do, how I look and feel as a woman
and then how am I as a woman with others can I
do these things in different ways can I live this way
Really just to allow me the experience of being the
best kind of woman I could be for a while now and
then here and there no big deal but she needs to be
to live in the world as real as true as seeing and being
as woman deep into the fabrics of the ancient moon
feminine and female a dancer and priestess of
Grand Mother Earth Grand Mother Moon of course
once here there is no way back this is very close to
the place I’ve in some way or another headed for afraid
flying blind of what I might find and now that I’ve found
it now that I am her and not him anymore I am in a better
place finally knowing some of the truth connected to this
deep becoming other in my being and yes I have finally
seen myself my body as totally feminine and female a
burning daylight dream and me as I always have been
from the beginning finally this woman being coming out
thru me and changing me more and more all the time
I had to become one with her plans this was the way
it was going to be and so it has I enjoy the very simple
pleasure of my now different body a body finally as a
woman’s in expression and intent and the very plan
that I live in life as a woman before others I would
modify the way I express myself to ride a different
current to sense and feel other winds and breezes and
that this new body would receive new messages new
movements and sensations like a waterfall of blue and
red flowers that my hair ties messages and paths in this
new river of the changing earth it is so simple yet so hard
the spokes of the wheel creak
a circle and a turn are completed
the symbol becomes real and will
return once more to the mythic
the overwhelming always developing
push to be a woman in my being life
and so tonite I go out on the front deck
it’s 9:30 wrapped in a blanket against
the cold all wrapped up snuggly comfy
I felt connected to all women wrapped in
blankets making conversations with mother
earth as me this woman wrapped and now
always a woman blind not knowing where
she is anymore except tonight in the cold air
mother earth flowed into me and filled my
body with deep feminine acceptance and all
sense that comes on that wind me a moon
drenched woman being sitting there with
Mother Earth in all her love supporting me
in becoming a woman thru this colding air 11-26-2oo9
the violence between my thighs is forgotten
a wound hidden under layers of time yet
I was able to let go of my faux male hopes
and let myself become the woman I’ve been
from the beginning I was always the woman
in my relations with other women at first
they didn’t know but soon found out mostly
I was a crossdresser of course not far under
neath was always the wish to be real
I never knew that I would go this far
and part of me wants to go further
but I can’t get beyond living as an
alternate being living in alternate
place even so it is here that I
became a woman so far over
the line so quick although I
spent my entire life becoming
a woman it happened with a clap
of thunder and I didn’t find out until
later and still didn’t believe it was true
everything has been affected by this
ongoing never ever ceasing driving
force in which I am to become a woman
by going thru all the stages, initiated by
my female lovers, from babyhood to
little girlhood teenager was my favorite
than young woman and so on but it was
always me in the role of a female I identified
with the feminine side yet I kept her hidden
from anyone that knew me although my lovers
both female got revenge on me by telling every
one that I was a transvestite or something like
I was humiliated and ashamed, ran away in both
cases and pretending that no one knew or cared
but in spite of my shame, my fear, my self hate,
my strange and bifurcated personality I feel less
that way now that I have become a woman, I just
feel a little goofy but still a girlbeing person I thought
I could overcome this weakness and affliction of my
very own personality and return to manhood in total
victory but alas sweet maiden it was not to be the return
of your much abused and denied penis poor little thing
was happy becoming feminized and made tiny a little bud
in that admitted female bush of mine all given to an open
reception of the new the other than me and me becoming
in truth the woman I’ve always been a woman I my being.

no matter the truth all my being surges in this direction of
me becoming woman a woman of sorts limited but open
a dream woman in a dream narrative that has been told in
all these last years of writing ‘poems’ these realized lines
write me as a woman into existence a metamorphosis
endorsed by the thunders that I live on more than one
level there are deep intersections somehow the big news
was that I was to become a woman and I didn’t want to no
matter what and yet I couldn’t help myself I had to be a
woman any chance I could and now yes I am here now as
a total female being I am a cunt, a bitch, a whore, a cross
sexed being, given the wonderful privilege of being a woman
finally totally and completely all softness, very receptive in
my sexuality feminine and mostly just being all woman in bed


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